No matter what you do, you can't feel better.......

it just seems that no matter what i do i am wrong. so, i am just going to stop trying, there is no use. i just feel like i was so strong in my faith and, then a few things happened and, now i am really questioning it. i mean, i am just having some problems. and, i really do not want to discuss them over the internet. but, if you really want to know ask me sometime. sometimes, i just feel empty and, like it is all worthless. idk, just when i have thoughts like that it just makes me really question my faith. and, i really do not think that i am ready to go out and evangelize to others. i just do not feel that i am "strong" enough in my faith. and, what if they ask a question and, i don't know the answer to it.

i just feel sick right now. ik what it is but, i can't fix it. i tried to sleep but couldn't.

  • Current Music
    beloved>going through the motions

Another solo adventure!!!!

another day of "at home adventures" so, i just miss everyone everyday that i do not see you guys. but, there is one person that i miss the most. and, she is very special to me. and, i love her with all of my heart. i everyday i just thank the Lord for bringing someone like her into my life. because, without her i would be a mess right now. she is the most beautiful girl out there. and, i am just so thankful to have someone like her in my life. whenever i am going through a hard time i have someone that i can talk to and someone that can comfort me in times of need. JESSICA.......I <3 YOU!!!!

just a reminder. never listen to omar if you are trying to get directions. he will get you lost and then you will have to walk a mile and call for someone to come and pick you up. or, at least that is what happened to me. so, yeah. yesterday was fun. no blisters this time YAY!!! and, i just want to apologize to everyone. i was the one that pushed jessica, and in the end got us kicked out of the church. sorry. i just felt sick the rest of the day because, of it. oh also, thanx to lisa and jessica for getting me sick! i love you guys too!!!

i was talking to matty and peacock yesterday at lunch and, we were talking about music and bands. and, i really had a heavy heart from that conversation. so, today i went and turned in some of my cd's that i thought were not good for me to listen to. and, i return i bought Beloved>The Running. and, it is an amazing cd! already i have listened to it 2-3 times!!!!

Galatians 1:10 Am I trying to win the approval of men,
Or that of God,
For if I am trying to win the approval of men,
I am not a true servant of Christ.

i know it was one of the memory verses from small groups but, think about it. it is a very important verse.
  • Current Music
    beloved>kiss it goodbye

(no subject)

ever have one of those days where everything that you do it seems that it is the wrong thing? because, that is how today was for me. i mean, i had a good day and all, i just think that i am thinking about everything to much. you know what i mean?

i think after this i am going to go practice guitar......yes, i have a guitar. i am trying to teach myself august winterman by dead poetic. i just feel as if i almost have just wasted this week. i have done alot of things this week and had alot of fun. but, i just feel that i have not used my time wisely. i don't know what it is. there are so many things that i have just put off this week and, now that i have time to think about it, i wish i would have done them. because, not doing these things cause me sleepless nights. and, those are not fun. plus, i have so much going on right now, it is hard for me to sleep as is. i do not need even more things to worry about. i don't know maybe i am just looking for things to complain about. but, i just feel really down all of a sudden. i feel sick.......

what time does that dead poetic show start? and who all is going? just wondering because, i asked my dad and, he wanted to know all the information before he gave me an answer. but, he sounded okay with it. now just to ask mom........

i think one of the major things that is troubling me is something that happened the other night. i was bowling, and i could tell that this one girl did not like me. and, i was wondering why. so, i asked jessica. and, she said it was because, she said that i was ugly. and, that just hit me really hard. i am not going to go into details why. but, i think one of the major questions is: Why does she like me? and, What does she see in me???
  • Current Music
    the agony scene


i spent all of today just laying around the house. not like it was a choice or anything. but, my mom told me that i had to stay home all day today. so, i was like why. and, she said because it was supposed to be pretty rainy today. so, i did ny devos (JOHN 7), played some video games, checked my email, watched tv (mythbusters is amazing), ate, and now i am here. so, i mean pretty much today was a pointless day!!!!

but, i had fun in the process of it. in the mail today i got a letter from my school saying that they want me to play soccer.........i don't think so!!! hurricanes suck!!!!!!

last night was amazing even that one chick didn't even like me whatsoever.....but, i still had fun. and, i think that is the best that i have bowled i quiet a while!!!! no joke!!!! SCOTTYOU WILL BE GREATLY MISSED!!!!!! and, i heart you!!!!!

i want to make a long post like joff does but, oh well. i just do not have a very exciting life........dang it!!!!
  • Current Music

What is the square root of 789,789,123,456,789,985,654,215,321,659,212,222

i was talking to jessica the other day on the phone and she said something about going onto my old journal. and, wow......i have changed so much from the person that i first was when i came down here. and, i just became really depressed about everything because seeing the way that i used to act just hurt me.....and, i know that it hurt the people that were around me. so, i just am thankful for all of you.
  • Current Music
    between the buried and me>mordecia

Taken off of my OLD journal.........


"Unholy Confessions"

"I'll try," she said as he walked away.
"Try not to lose you."
Two vibrant hearts could change.
Nothing tears the being more than deception,
unmasked fear.
"I'll be here waiting" tested and secure.

Nothing hurts my world,
just affects the ones around me
When sin's deep in my blood,
you'll be the one to fall.

"I wish I could be the one,
the one who won't care at all
But being the one on the stand,
I know the way to go, no one's guiding me.
When time soaked with blood turns its back,
I know it's hard to fall.
Confided in me was your heart
I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me."

Nothing will last in this life,
our time is spent constructing,
now you're perfecting a world... meant to sin.
Constrict your hands around me,
squeeze till I cannot breathe,
this air tastes dead inside me,
contribute to our plague.
Break all your promises,
tear down this steadfast wall,
restraints are useless here,
tasting salvation's near.
  • Current Music
    haste the day>song of faith

i am such a loser.........

so, i have been back from camp for quiet a while now. and, this is the first time on lj. so, yeah. i had an absolute amazing time at camp. i grew much closer with GOD and with other people that i never thought that i would. i just can not explain camp in words you just had to be there.......

while at camp i decided that GOD was calling me to become a youth pastor and, i decided that i was going to tell my mom this. the first word out of her mouth was NO!!!!! and, asked why and she could not really give me an answer. but, yeah. i am persuing my dream. and, nothing or no one all except for GOD will stop me. through GOD all things are possible. i love all of you guys and, am praying for all of you.....

went to two fireworks shows. one at the new church and one downtown. and, i have to admit. the ones at the new church where much better than the ones downtown. but, yeah. i was able to finally just spend some time with jessica. after really not being able to for a week. but, it was all worth it because of that.

i think i am grounded but HOLLA AT ME!!!!!!
  • Current Music
    on broken wings

Just to let everyone know.......

i will not be going to camp this weekend.............yeah. so, ummmmmm nothing much going on here. got up and, did my devos. i have decided that i am going to read John. so, did that. and, played some video games. did some laundry, then went out to lunch with my mom. we went to a chinese buffet yyyyyyyyyuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!! then, went to my moms friends house to try and help them out with this digital camera. so, then came home and now i am here. so, yeah......... oh just to let everyone know i am no longer on myspace. which i am kind of happy about. because, basically all myspace is, is a website for perves to find people to stalk. if you don't believe me just talk to me and i will show you the evidence. and, i would strongly advise anyone that does have a myspace to get rid of it. or, to just read the agreement that you agreed to by signing up with myspace. or, look at some of the court cases that have been filed against myspace.......

oh yeah, i was just joking about camp..........see you all sunday....hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
  • Current Music
    as i lay dying>song 10