miss this.......

it has been so long since my last entry. so, much has changed in my life. i have moved, i have found the love of my life, i have gone through two jobs, and tranferred stores, i have experienced many new things, and done somethings that i never would have thought that i ever would have. i have loved, and i have lost, but i have found the one that is right for me. she means the world to me, and i would not change her for the world. i love my girl so much, i can not wait until the day that i can get down on my knee and ask her to be mine for the rest of my life. i love her, i love her, i love her.
  • Current Music
    animal planet- animal cops

why is everything going my way?!?!?!?!

so, lately i have had an amazing life. i am getting along with my parents. i am doing amazing in school. i was elected the president of the student council. i was picked to have a lead role in my school's play. i play a stuck up, arrogant, lady's man. so, i really don't even have to change character much. no, i am just kidding. but, anyway. everything is just going right, and i love it. is seems right now that i am just living up to my true potential and, therefore i am being rewarded. and, i love it. i am taking my sat on october 14 at shs. so, if anyone else is doing so let me know.

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when i wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
  • Current Music
    james blunt> high

why is life so difficult..........

why is life so difficult? i was having an amazing day, i was loving my life. and, just had a feeling that something was going to ruin it. and, something did. and, it is just eating me up inside. because, that is the way that i am. and, i know that no one is going to read this because, they are going to be like, oh jake is just posting some more lyrics. but, this song is absolutely amazing, and i really hope that you read it...........


"I'm Not Alright"

If weakness is a wound that no one wants to speak of
Then "cool" is just how far we have to fall
I am not immune, I only want to be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall

Can I lose my need impress?
If you want the truth I need to confess

I'm not alright, I'm broken inside
And all I go through, it leads me to you

Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
Until everything I hide behind is gone
And when I'm open wide with nothing left to cling to
Only you are there to lead me on.

Honestly, I'm not that strong.


I'm not alright... that's why I need you.
  • Current Music
    across five aprils

Revelation 4

Rev 4:1After this I looked, and, behold, a door [was] opened in heaven: and the first voice which I heard [was] as it were of a trumpet talking with me; which said, Come up hither, and I will shew thee things which must be hereafter.

Rev 4:2 And immediately I was in the spirit: and, behold, a throne was set in heaven, and [one] sat on the throne.

Rev 4:3 And he that sat was to look upon like a jasper and a sardine stone: and [there was] a rainbow round about the throne, in sight like unto an emerald.

Rev 4:4 And round about the throne [were] four and twenty seats: and upon the seats I saw four and twenty elders sitting, clothed in white raiment; and they had on their heads crowns of gold.

Rev 4:5 And out of the throne proceeded lightnings and thunderings and voices: and [there were] seven lamps of fire burning before the throne, which are the seven Spirits of God.

Rev 4:6 And before the throne [there was] a sea of glass like unto crystal: and in the midst of the throne, and round about the throne, [were] four beasts full of eyes before and behind.

Rev 4:7 And the first beast [was] like a lion, and the second beast like a calf, and the third beast had a face as a man, and the fourth beast [was] like a flying eagle.

Rev 4:8 And the four beasts had each of them six wings about [him]; and [they were] full of eyes within: and they rest not day and night, saying, Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come.

Rev 4:9 And when those beasts give glory and honour and thanks to him that sat on the throne, who liveth for ever and ever,

Rev 4:10 The four and twenty elders fall down before him that sat on the throne, and worship him that liveth for ever and ever, and cast their crowns before the throne, saying,

Rev 4:11 Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.
  • Current Music
    jamisonparker> i should mean more


why am i such a fricking idiot. everytime something good happens to me, i screw it up!!!!! i am sick of it, i am sick of feeling like this...................................................frickinay!!!!!
  • Current Music
    on broken wings> a lazarus envy

can't sleep

i can't sleep. i am just way too pissed to do anything. i can't even think straight right now..........
  • Current Music
    lotus>when H binds to O

(no subject)

in the last couple of days, i have listened to this song about 30 times. and, i know everyone is going to read the "edited" version that i posted, and comment on how bad this song is. and, if you do that then obviously you did not read the lyrics, or pay attention to what the lyrics are saying. the reason that i have listened to this song so much is because, could you imagine being billy jacobs, and doing all that stuff. the song is just so deep, and it makes me think. but, at the same time it makes me sad, because, stuff like this happens everyday. and, it cracks me up that people are going to read this, and just blow me off, and be like no it doesn't. yes, it does. but, idk. the song is just deep, and amazing, and i don't care if you think this song is extremely secular, it is yes. but, did jesus hang around with all the people from the churchs. no, he ate with the prostitutes, the thiefs, the prisoners. so, don't even.


"Dance With The Devil"

[Verse 1]
I once knew a n@#$% whose real name was William
His primary concern, was making a million
Being the illest hustler, that the world ever seen
He used to *BLANK* moviestars and sniff coke in his dreams
A corrupted young mind, at the age of thirteen
N@#$% never had a father and his mom was a fiend
She put the pipe down, but every year she was sober
Her sons heart simultaneously grew colder
He started hanging out selling bags in the projects
Checking the young chicks, looking for hit and run prospects
He was fascinated by material objects
But he understood money never bought respect
He build a reputation 'cause he could hustle and steal
But got locked once and didn't hesitate to squeal
So criminals he chilled with didn't think he was real
You see me and n@#$%^ like this have never been equal
I don't project my insurecurity's at other people
He fiended for props like addicts with pipes and needles
So he felt he had to prove to everyone he was evil
A feeble-minded young man with infinite potetial
The product of a ghetto breed capatalistic mental
Coincidentally dropped out of school to sell weed
Dancing with the devil, smoked until his eyes would bleed
But he was sick of selling trees and gave in to his greed

Everyone trying to be trife never face the consequences
You propably only did a month for minor offences
Ask a n@#$% doing life if he had another chance
But then again there's always the wicked at new and advanced
Dance forever with the devil on a code cell block
But thats what happens when you rape, murder and sell rock
Devils used to be gods, angels that fell from the top
There's no diversity because we're burning in the melting pot

[Verse 2]
So Billy started robbing n@#$%^, anything he could do
He'd get his respect back, in the eyes of his crew
Starting fights over little stuff, up on the block
Stepped up to selling mothers and brothers the crack rock
Working overtime for making money for the crack spot
Hit the jackpot and wanted to move up to cocaine
For filling the scarface fantasy stuck in his brain
Tired of the block n@#$%^ treating him the same
He wanted to be major like the cut throats and the thugs
But when he tried to step to 'em, n@#$%^ showed him no love
They told him any motherducking coward can sell drugs
Any biotch n@#$% with a gun, can bust slugs
Any n@#$% with a red shirt can front like a blood
Even Puffy smoked the mothertrucker up in a club
But only a real thug can stab someone till they die
Standing in front of them, starring straight into their eyes
Billy realized that these men were well guarded
And they wanted to test him, before business started
Suggested wrapping a person to prove he was cold hearted
So now he had a choice between going back to his life
Or making money with made men, up in the cife
His dreams about cars and ice, made him agree
A hardcore n@#$% is all he ever wanted to be
And so he met them friday night at a quarter to three


[Verse 3]
They drove around the projects slow while it was raining
Smoking blunts, drinking and joking for entertainment
Untill they saw a woman on the street walking alone
Three in the morning, coming back from work, on her way home
And so they quietly got out the car and followed her
Walking through the projects, the darkness swallowed her
They wrapped her shirt around her head and knocked her onto the floor
This is it kid now you got your chance to be raw
So Billy oaked her up and grapped the chick by the hair
And dragged her into a lobby that had nobody there
She struggled hard but they forced her to go up the stairs
They got to the roof and then held her down on the ground
Screaming shut the heck up and stop moving around
The shirt covered her face, but she screamed the clawed
So Billy stomped on the her, until he broken her jaw
The dirty people knew exactly what they were doing
They kicked her until they cracked her ribs and she stopped moving
Blood leaking through the cloth, she cried silently
And then they all proceeded to wrap her violently
Billy was meant to go first, but each of them took a turn
wrapping her up, and choking her until her throat burned
A broken jaw mumbled for god but they weren't concerned
When they were done and she was lying bloody, broken and broos
One of them n@#$%^ pulled out a brand new twenty-two
They told him that she was a witness of what she'd gone through
And if he killed her he was guaranteed a spot in the crew
He thought about it for a minute, she was practicly dead
And so he leaned over and put the gun right to her head

[Sample from "Survival of the Fittest" by Mobb Deep]
I'm falling and I can't turn back
I'm falling and I can't turn back

[Verse 4]
Right before he pulled the trigger, and ended her life
He thought about the cold pain with the platinum and ice
And he felt strong standing along with his new brothers
Cocked the gat to her head, and pulled back the shirt cover
But what he saw made him start to cringe and studder
Cuz he was starring into the eyes of his own mother
She looked back at him and cried, cause he had forsaken her
She cried more painfully, than when they were wrapping her
His whole world stopped, he couldn't even contiplate
His corruption had succesfully changed his fate
And he remembered how his mom used to come home late
Working hard for nothing, cause now what was he worth
He turned away from the woman that had once given him birth
And crying out to the sky cause he was lonely and scared
But only the devil responded, cause god wasn't there
And right then he knew what it was to be empty and cold
And so he jumped off the roof and died with no soul
They say death take you to a better place but I doubt it
After that they killed his mother, and never spoke about it
And listen cause the story that I'm telling is true
Cuz I was there with Billy Jacobs and I wrapped his mom to
And now the devil follows me everywhere that I go
Infact I'm sure he's standing among one of you at my shows
And every street cypher listening to little thugs flowe
He could be standing right next to you, and you wouldn't know
The devil grows inside the hearts of the selvish and wicked
White, brown, yellow and black colored is not restricted
You have a self destructive destiny when your inflicted
And you'll be one of gods children and fell from the top
There's no diversity because we're burning in the melting pot
So when the devil wants to dance with you, you better say never
Because the dance with the devil might last you forever
  • Current Music
    alexisonfire>sharks in danger

(no subject)

MISSIONS TRIP TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but...there is one down fall.....i will miss someone uncontrollably. and, i just hope that they feel the same way about me..... bye bye
  • Current Music
    blessed by a broken heart> mic skillz

Memoirs of a HXC Kid......

Joff. sounds like a simple name right......wrong, i have been thinking about it for all of three seconds now. and, i think that joff, is the most complex word in the english language. not only is it an noun, but it is an adjective, and adverb, a verb, a conjunction, and a interjection. joff, is the name of the coolest kid that i ever knew and that will know, it describes the actions of someone, like stop being a joff, would be, stop being so cool. it can bring two things together, as he always did. and, it can show action. but, most importantly, it was a one of a kind name, that you will never hear again.

i remember joff and i would always get into arguements on how his name should be jeff, and not joff. and, they always seemed to end in a fist fight. but, that is besides the point. i remember joff running through the field as jasper fired a paintball gun at his back, joff turning around and letting jasper shoot him once, the white caddy with the smiley face. now everytime i see a white caddy, i think of joff, and smile. i remember boad shows with moshing, and sweat. and, joff with his shirt off in the pit. all in all, i could be here all night naming off things that i remembered about joff. but i will leave you with this:

There is an essential difference between the decease of the godly and the death of the ungodly. Death comes to the ungodly man as a penal infliction, but to the righteous as a summons to his Father's palace. To the sinner it is an execution, to the saint an undressing from his sins and infirmities. Death to the wicked is the King of terrors. Death to the saint is the end of terrors, the commencement of glory.

—Charles Spurgeon
  • Current Music
    the honorary title>revealing too much